December 11th, 2005
| Okay. Now is the opportunity for me to make up for the drunk entry that I didn't get to make last night. Nada and I went to see "Pride & Prejudice" at the mall, after looking around for 'shiny things'. Hehe. Only Nada is gonna know what that means. Anywho, I watched it.... (and still haven't slept yet mind you) and it threw me into this sentimental mood due to the happily-ever-after ending that only exist in movies. Yeah... those are the 'endings' that tend not to include three years later when they get sick of eachother, get a divorce, and then have to saw the soda in two, split the frequent flyer miles accordingly, and divvey up the CD collection. Yep... only in the movies. You would think that THAT was enough... but no. While we were walking to the main entrance of the mall to leave, I checked my voicemail to conveniently find my monthly torture waiting for me. See... when you save a voicemail message, it only remains saved for one month. After that month, the voicemail service marks for deletion... meaning I have to resave it. So I have 23 messages from him that are saved. So, when a month passes, I get the 'pleasant' surprise of (always unexpectedly) hearing these messages so I can then save them once more. This has become a monthly ritual for me, but most often it catches me off guard when I go to my voicemail. Instead of hearing the new messages as I expect to hear, I instead hear first, out of the blue, "you have x amount of messages marked for deletion".. and then begins to play them. Hearing his voice, just about makes my heart stop. I could almost swear, that for these few brief moments, my heart just flat lines.I always think I'm okay by then, too.. so tonight I watch this happily-ever-after, and sure he crosses my mind a lot. By now I can block that small drawback out.. at least when it's alone by itself. But then, to unexpectedly hear his voice while I glinding down the escalator towards a night that seemed to be going somewhere fun.... the soft loving messages he left me back when I knew that me.. pretty much does make me flat-line... emotionally, mentally, phyisically... you name it, and I che loved an assure you that THAT combo leaves most of my functions as a Mel lifeless. Or at least completely dysfunctional. We walked out the front door of the mall, and all enthusiasm I had for the hours to come, had left me. I tried to gather up as much strength as I could to get them back during the ride home, but by the time we got to Nada's, the most feasable (but temporary) solution was ever so conveniently waiting in Nada's fridge. A bottle of Southern Comfort. So, since I got back, I've been downing that in hopes of coming down off my ADD meds that I've used to stay up as long as I have. Soon enough I oughta pass out. Man... this is gonna kill. I gotta get up at fucking 10 AM! Oh, well. Guess that's what I get for stayin up for almost 48 hours now. At least I'm still legally sane. After 72 hours without sleep, you are legally deemed insane due to the chemical build up in your brain that would normally get disposed of overnight as you sleep. I'm sure most of you have been there. I know I have, at least. Alrighty. Time for beddy-bye! At least you can sort of get the idea of how sappy and sentimental my writing becomes while I'm under the influence of alcohol. Luckily, for both you and I, this is not half as bad as I nornally am. Anywho, Sweet dreams all! <3 you ^_^ Peace & <3 ~Mel Mel.  |
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