A Little About Me(L) 2005
Okay... I could give you some sort of introduction of myself... nice and easy to
understand... or I could write like always do where everything does and doesn't
make sense at the same time... plan B sounds better to me...
Okay, here it goes; this is me.I had blue hair once... I'm really not a materialistic person so I don't care what I look like, but change is a big thing for me. If I don't have some sort of change in some way I get a little bit stir crazy... so since I'm stuck in the same place for a while I just change things like my hair color (blue... black... red, and soon to be construction cone orange)... the way I dress... food... okay, maybe not the food (I'm a fast food / Lebanese food junkie.... I eat at either burger king or the pita gourmet every night) I love the stars though... which surprises me a lot, because they're the one thing that don't change (at least noticeably) they are my security blanket... they're there every night whether I can see them or not and I know it.Now to explain my deal with change. I live for the moment... nothing else is more important than what's happening here and now. Right now I am experiencing everything, and I can feel it, touch it, taste it... we learn from the past... but five minutes from now, now will be a memory... a lesson... but that's all. I won't be able to touch it and feel it and taste it over again. Holding on to something that isn't there... Just isn't emotionally and mentally healthy.
The future... is something to look forward to.... A second chance that people take advantage of a lot.... It's not even assured to be there, but there's always the hope it brings. I don't let it bother me... it's nothing to worry about. My life is on autopilot for the moment... wherever it brings me, I go. Sometime soon I'll have to take the wheel... but like I said, when the time comes, I'll deal with it then. This is how I get hurt a lot. People take advantage of the way I am... I just got out of a bad relationship... ok... Maybe like... 3 bad relationships (during different time frames of course) but like they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And right now I would love to say that they lie... but I know that it's always hard at first. The most recent was the worst... I feel like I should have the routine down by now, but it always hurts just as much each time.
I love the ocean. I swim... and have since I was little. Once, when I was four, and didn't know how to swim yet, I was in swim class... and we walked on the deck of the pool to the deep end to get life jackets... and we were standing in line and this kid in front of me kept backing up... and I fell in. I sunk to the bottom like a rock... my lungs filled up with a lot of water... and I got pulled out... and I remember I wasn't scared... I just didn't like the chlorine... and all I was thinking at the time besides 'I hope someone jumps in to get me..' was that I wished it was ocean water and not nasty pool water. I'd never been to the ocean at that point, and longed to go thhroughout my childhood. After they pumped the water out of me... and I was okay... I got right back in the water when we went back to the shallow end... and got angry when they tried to stop me. If that doesn't explain something about me then I don't know what does. Childhood is the molding of our character... my mold was finished at a very young age... I can't really explain, but things happened that led to me no longer being ignorant or naive like the average child. I knew and understood things I shouldn't have... it kind of cut childhood short for me, but I am who I am now because of it ^_^
So... music... I love it. I really am not all that great at piano, but I play by ear. In 5th grade I took lessons for a year, and then my piano teacher got sick. He refused to just stop lessons for kids... but he needed to, so I tried to help him out by quitting. I continued to play after that... I never did learn how to read music... when I took lessons, he would play the song I was learning first... then I would pick it up by ear and pretend I was reading the notes. I think I had ADD (and still do) but doesn't every kid? So I could never sit still long enough to learn how to read notes. Then, I stopped playing for a year, and I remembered this song that I'd heard a year ago and I really liked it. It was one we sang in chorus so I knew it pretty well... I remembered it, and played until I picked it up. It's called sound of the sea... I remember the lyrics went something like this...
here is a child who dances in the sand
close to the rolling sea
her mind has traveled far
to a land so far away
the land where her treasure will be
the sea birds cry
the wind blows free
the child is alone with the sound of the sea
And now that she is grown
she feels so close to home
close to the rolling sea
her treasure she has found
the whole wide world around
wherever she happens to be
the sea birds cry
the wind blows free
the child is alone with the sound of the sea
the sea birds cry
the wind blows free
the child is alone with the sound of the sea
alone and at home with the sea
Then, I play drums. I beat my heart out into those drums... I may not be awesome at it, but its the beautiful release that means so much to me... I couldn't ever let it go. My other release is writing. I love to write... poetry, songs, and journals on top of journals. Back to music for a moment... I don't have a favorite genre really... as you saw, my band list has a pretty wide variety. I guess it goes along with the whole change thing. I think I'll probably end up being one of those people to travel a lot... I could always just be a hippie... or join Americore or something... but wherever the long and winding road brings me... I'll go. I'm flexible. ADD! okay... I think I'm done now... but, theres a little about Me(L).
9:48 PM
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