Sometimes I just wish I could go somewhere, out in the middle of nowhere, and just SCREAM at the top of my lungs. No.. better yet, just go out on the street in the middle of the night and do it, so then the whole city could wake up and be so frustrated to have been woken up... then they'd know exactly how I feel minus the pain.
I just wanna blow up, and cuss out everyone who pretends to smile at me like they mean it.. everyone who pretends to give a shit when they really could care less... everyone who pretends to love me and want to be with me when.. in reality, to them, I'm just such an easy lay... so easy that they just couldn't pass it up even if I am so sentimental. Yeah of course, they can just deal with that later. FUCK ALL OF YOU! I dont care what your fucking intentions are, good or bad! I don't care what you MEANT to do as compared to what you actually did... because things are the way they are and shoulda coulda woulda just doesn't FUCKING CUT IT! Because really, to tell you the truth, my intentions are pretty fucking lucid. I just want to be happy without fucking anyone elses life up. I don't want to hurt anyone, I dont want to interfere with anyone's intricate plans for their golden future...
I
just
want
to be
HAPPY!
So fuck you! You and your untouchable face you piece of shit! Fuck you for existing and screwing shit up! You knew what I wanted, you knew what I was going to do.... but still, even when I asked whether or not I should you let me! You lead me to think that I was going to get what I wanted.. you let me think everything was fine. Well now... I'm not fine. I'm not okay. But I'm still alive, and it's not anything I haven't been through before.
But.. I guess .. it is much more painful than I ever imagined it could be. And even now.. I still can't say it to your face. Because I still love you. And I'd do it all over again.